"Well, do you?" She was pressing me. Trying not to let me know she was, sure, because if I knew she was pressing she thought I wouldn't tell.

"No," I told her.

"No?"

"No."

"Oh." She seemed discomfited. I use that word, discomfited, because it makes me think of Little Miss Muppet or whatever her name was, you know, the girl who was afraid of spiders in the nursery rhyme.

I'm afraid of a lot more than spiders.

That's why I lied. Why I said no, even though she wanted to hear something else.

"Don't you think everyone has issues, Rosie?" she said, in her over-enunciated way; like someone who's just got braces put on their teeth. Only she'd never had braces, probably. She didn't seem like that kind of person. And anyway, her teeth were crooked, despite the whiteness.

"Not everyone," I said. I shook my head, then. "No," I repeated.

"And you are one of these people." It was as if she was hiding a "harumph" beneath her cherry-chapsticked lips.

I didn't answer this time, just a nod.

"Why?" she asked. Which I think is an unfair question, you know? Just to say why? You can say that to practically anything. And there are too many possible answers.

"I've got a loving mum," I began the list. "She rides horses and tells me stories. And my dad! Oh, you should really meet my dad. He's great. The way he brings me pine nuts home on the weekends cause he knows I like 'em. And my brother, you know, he's alright too. Even though he slobbers like a puppy dog! But he's only puppy-age, so who can blame him, eh?" I chuckled a little, as if I thought what I was saying was humorous.

"Lots of people have nice families, Rosie." She looked disapproving of what I'd just said. How can having a nice family be something you disapprove of? Maybe she'd never had one. I guessed that must be it.

"Yes," I said, breathless. The air was caught partway down my throat.

"Like that!" she said, eagerly, leaning in closer till I was afraid our noses would touch. "Do you sometimes feel like you can't breathe?"

"I used to have asthma, when I was a little girl. Sometimes it comes back." I wanted to be defiant but I still sounded like the schoolgirl I was.

"No, I mean metaphorically. Do you metaphorically, symbolically feel like you can't breathe?"

I wanted her to go away now. "No." I shook my head. "I don't have any issues like that."

"Is there something wrong, Rosie." And she gave me such a look. A look that made me want to tell her a truth, just one, to make up for all those lies. But I didn't, and that's the way life works, isn't it? Everything's pivotal on moments that you'll never be able to change, but always wish you could. Moments when you could've said yes. But instead, you say no. You always say no.

"Rosie." Her voice was penetrating, and I felt like I couldn't get a breath. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," I said.


_____
copyright Miss Erin, 2009

I am going to be in a movie!!!

I am SO EXCITED!

More information on my acting blog.

it's the same feeling
every time
the very air does something to me
turns my stomach
because I need it too much

the funny thing is,
I always think,
I'm okay this time.
This time won't hurt.
This time I'm better,
because of ----.
I'm always so
wrong.

hidden importance
drives by,
on its way to what I want
I can hardly breathe, the
aura of mystery
is too much like strong perfume
at the same time alluring
drawing me in
but making me feel
unwhole
showing me
my weakness

and I know you can't
understand,
even if I try to explain.


_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2009
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at Live. Love. Explore!

Mum and the concierge sang a Beatles duet in the elevator

I've been away from home for two weeks, now, and I'm not going back for at least another month. I want to say that it feels strange to be gone for so long, but really, it doesn't. Home is a relative term to me, and while I love what I currently have as a physical "home" in Idaho, I like to make home be wherever and whatever I need it to be at a certain time.

Anyway, I began in California and now am in this hot, cacti-filled desert they call Arizona. It's beautiful here, which I didn't expect because all I'd hear is "HOT" and "DRY" and "LOTS OF BROWNS." But everyone forgot to mention the palm trees and the orange trees and the sunsets. (Oh, the sunsets.) Driving here we passed this expanse of desert and it was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. It looked just like one of those National Geographic spreads of the rolling hills of sand dunes in Arabia or some such place. It took my breath away, all that pure, flawless sand in the shape of hills. I half-expected a camel train to come traipsing over one ridge.

Mum and I grouped up with some people we'd never met previously and went to a Taylor Swift concert together. One of these people was my wicked, brilliant friend Faith, who I've known for years and, I'm pleased to say, was just as cool in person as online. The concert was indescribably amazing, and one of the very very best nights and experiences of my life. Taylor Swift is crazy-talented (writing songs, singing them, playing guitar and piano along with), plus she has fantastic stage-presence and is good at telling stories through performing. And she's sassy and fearless and knows how to make every person in the audience feel that way, too. (Read Faith's post and my comments at the end of that for some of the lovely details.)

There are things to look forward to (tremendous things; I am so blessed) and people to see/meet, and there's one computer to the four of us and other people want their turn so I'll sign off now.

I hope you all are making your summers what you want them to be.

Summer Blog Blast Tour: Siobhan Vivian

I am so pleased to present an interview today with the ever-fabulous Siobhan Vivian. She has written two young adult novels, A Little Friendly Advice (my review) and Same Difference (my review), along with a picture book, Vunce Upon a Time. She has quickly become one of my favorite YA authors, and I absolutely can't wait to read all of her future books. You can find her online at her blog or website.

What gave you the idea for A Little Friendly Advice?

I had this group of friends in high school and we were all very involved with one another’s lives. One friend had been dating this pretty awful guy on and off for about a year. They would fight, break-up, and then make-up—that was their cycle. Anyway, another girl in our group got so tired of our friend putting herself in this horrible situation over and over again, she finally said something like “If you take him back again, don’t come crying to me when he does it again.” I was really moved by that situation, because I could see both sides of it. I didn’t want my friend to get hurt anymore, but also you have to love and support your friends unconditionally. That’s what I wanted to explore in ALFA.

Which of the four girls in ALFA were you most like as a teenager?

I would say I was most like Katherine—loud, full of false-bravado, a tough exterior hiding a lot of deep insecurities.

Your second book, Same Difference, was inspired by your experience as a teen at art camp. How it very autobiographical or mostly fiction?

The book is biographical in that I had spent the summer between my junior and senior year of high school attending a fine-art program in Philadelphia, and I mirrored a lot of my personal experiences in Emily’s journey. But Emily is Emily, and Siobhan is Siobhan.

I love how the focus on friendship in your books is heavier than the focus on romance. Do you make a conscious effort to showcase friends vs. love interests in your stories?

I do tend to focus on friendship more because, to me anyway, my friendships have always been more passionate and intense than any relationship I had with a boy. I’ve fallen in love with soooo many guys in my lifetime (ha!) but finding a true friendship seems much more rare.

What's your journey been like as a writer? When did it start? How did you get published?

Well, everything started when I was living in Los Angeles, working in kids television. I really wanted to be a writer, but I realized that the kids of stories that I wanted to tell didn’t seem to fit well with TV. At the time, I had been working for The Disney Channel, and while I love those kinds of characters and shows…I was definitely not thinking up stories that worked well with a laugh track. So I decided to leave LA and move back to NYC and pursue YA writing.

For about two years, I pursued my MFA at night while editing books for Alloy Entertainment (The Au Pairs, The It Girl, a bunch of Hailey Abbott novels). Those experiences combined basically equaled Teen Fiction Boot Camp! And it was at grad school when I started writing A Little Friendly Advice. My thesis advisor was David Levithan, and he made an offer on the book after I graduated. It was pretty much a fairy tale!

What's the hardest thing for you as a writer? The easiest?

I think I am pretty good at plotting stories, but I have a really hard time developing characters.

What were some of your favorite books as a teenager?

I loved really trashy 1980’s stuff, like Sweet Valley High and any book that was a murder-mystery-thrillers, like when a girl’s boyfriend is found dead on prom night type thing.

What is your favorite thing about being a writer?

I love hearing from girls who’ve felt connected somehow to my books. The ideas that I could imagine something up and it would mean something to a person I don’t know is such an amazing feeling.

Thank you ever so much, Siobhan!

---

Find the rest of today's SBBT interviews:

Alma Alexander at Finding Wonderland
Laurel Snyder at Shaken & Stirred
Cindy Pon at The YA YA YAs
Thalia Chaltas at Bildungsroman

Same Difference

by Siobhan Vivian

Same Difference centers around the main character Emily's adventures at a summer art camp in Philadelphia. It's a coming-of-age story in the true sense: throughout the book, Emily undergoes a complete transformation of self, the way she sees the world, and the way she sees the people and world around her.

This book started off a little slow for me, but I'm so glad I stuck with it, because I enjoyed it a lot. Just as with the author's first book, I loved and was grateful for the focus being on the friendship vs. romance. Yeah, there was a romance, but it wasn't the sole defining experience of Emily's time at the art program.

The best thing about Same Difference was all the wonderful themes it explored. For instance, it showed that transitional time of being a teenager; the defining moment when you realize that your world is a slate that you can experiment and draw on, and if you don't like what you are right now, you can erase and start over. But you also realize that even if you want to start completely over, there's stuff you can't simply make go away. You can change yourself, but you can't (as much as you might want to) make the people around you change. Sometimes you can't even make them realize that you've changed.

I also liked how it showed that sometimes friendships change, and change drastically, and it's not possible to be the way you were before. But just because that happens, that doesn't mean you can't still be friends. You might not be as close or even as compatible as you once were, but you can still be there for one another.

Even though Emily changed a ton in the book, it didn't feel at the end as if she was suddenly a completely different person. She was still very much herself, only different--a good different--than before. But she was still Emily. The book is a compelling portrait of one girl's growing up. Recommended.

SBBT: day 3

And the Summer Blog Blast Tour continues...

Barbara O'Connor at MotherReader
James Kennedy at Fuse #8
Maggie Stiefvater at Writing & Ruminating
Rosemary Clement-Moore at Bildungsroman
Jo Knowles at lectitans
Melissa Wyatt at Chasing Ray

Summer Blog Blast Tour: Maya Ganesan

Maya Ganesan is an 11-year-old poet. She wrote her first poem at age four. Yes, you read that correctly: age four. Her debut book of poetry, Apologies to an Apple, was released earlier this year. (Go here for information on purchasing a copy.) You can visit Maya online at her website or her blog, where she continues to post many lovely, brilliant poems.

Here's just one of my favorite poems from Maya's book:

The Art of Knowing

no one knows you are coming and going underneath
this big sky and drinking a hundred vowels each

minute, drinking and spitting

you are walking underneath the awning of a petite
French-style café and someone five miles away

doesn't know

(Reprinted with permission from the author. Please do not copy or re-post without her permission.)

And now for the interview itself! Enjoy~

How did you first get started writing poetry? When/how did you discover what a passion you have for it?

I started writing at age four. I hadn't had much exposure to poetry up to that point -- the only poetry I'd ever known about was a couple of Eileen Fisher pieces that my preschool/kindergarten teacher would read to us every few months. I'd never seen it written out, only read aloud. I'm still surprised that one day I just sat down on the couch with a diary my mom had given me and a pencil and started writing. Somehow I knew about line breaks...don't ask me how.

I don't think there was one specific day or minute or hour that I stopped and realized my passion for poetry. I think it just developed over time, because it came very freely and it was easy and fun for me. When I'd show my parents a new poem, they would love it -- in short, they gave me a reason to keep writing. (I'm not sure they know this themselves.) And so, through writing, writing, and more writing, I realized how much I loved what I was doing and creating.

You said in a blog post that you dreamed of publishing a book at age three. Um, wow. What prompted that at such a young age?

Actually, at age three I despised reading -- you'd have to force me to read. At that time I wanted nothing to do with books or writing; I confessed in a journal entry some years later that I'd wanted to be a rockstar. (Which I knew would probably never happen, but a girl can dream.) But somewhere in that year I was three, I started reading without being forced because my sister was flying through books and I wanted to be like her. :) And loved it.

I looked at those authors' names on the cover and wondered if I, too, could be one of them someday. If I could have my name on a book cover. If I could say, "I've written a book." That seemed like the height of coolness -- and so my dream was born.

Describe your process for writing a poem.

I don't really have a process. It all depends on what my spark for the poem is. Usually, I've got a picture or a phrase that I'm fiddling with, and I'll think about it (the photo or the phrase) and the emotions it delivers...what does that picture mean to me? What's the story hiding in that phrase? And once I've thought about what that spark means to me, I'll transfer it onto the screen. About sixty percent of the time, I need to rewrite section(s) of the poem and I go back through the brainstorming process again to find something that will slide right in.

Who are some of your favorite poets/favorite poems and who has influenced you the most?

I really like Kelli Russell Agodon (she's a friend of mine and endorsed my book) -- her work is fresh and striking. I posted my favorite of her poems, "A Mermaid Questions God," in the early days of my blog. It's a fantastic piece and I think her poems have influenced mine the most.

My other favorite poet is Natasha Trethewey, simply because I adore her writing style and her poems always bring me something new. Each one is different than the other and it's brilliant and bold.

Besides writing, what are some of your other interests?

I love photography, drawing/painting, skiing, and listening (and singing along) to music -- specifically rock and country.

What is your favorite thing about being a writer?

Honestly, just being able to write and share my work is the best part of it all. The whole process is amazing and thrilling and there's nothing like it, but the fact that I get to show what I can do to anybody and everybody who will tune in is mindblowing. I've never been able to share my writing with such a wide audience before. It makes the world go round.

Thank you very much, Maya!

---

Find the rest of today's Summer Blog Blast Tour interviews:

Amber Benson at lectitans
Carolyn Hennesy at Bildungsroman
Jo Knowles at Hip Writer Mama
Sherri Winston at Finding Wonderland

Summer Blog Blast Tour 2009!

The annual blog blast tour is here, and it kicks off today!

Monday
Andrew Mueller at Chasing Ray
Kekla Magoon at Fuse #8
Carrie Jones at Writing and Ruminating
Amber Benson at Bildungsroman
Greg van Eekhout at Shaken & Stirred

You can check out the full week's schedule at Chasing Ray.

On Tuesday, I'll be hosting an interview with poetry prodigy Maya Ganesan.
On Thursday, I'll post one with the fabulous YA author Siobhan Vivian.

A Little Friendly Advice

by Siobhan Vivian

This story begins on the eve of Ruby's 16th birthday. Her mom's given her a present, all of her friends have arrived, and she's gearing up for a fun night. That is, until her dad--who she hasn't seen since he left her and her mom, years ago--shows up at the apartment. Pretty soon it feels like all the relationships in her life are unraveling, and Ruby doesn't know who to turn to or what to do.

A Little Friendly Advice was refreshing in that its focus was on relationships with friends and family, which are two of the biggest factors in a teenager's life. But usually those themes tend to get neglected in a lot of YA books to make room for a focus on problems/issues (which are factors too, but always alongside friend-and-family relationships) and romance. When a boy does show up in Ruby's life, he doesn't suddenly sweep her off her feet and solve all of her problems. That relationship is muddy and unclear, too. Complicated. The book really nailed how, as you grow older, relationships that used to be black and white - with relatives, or with friends - suddenly aren't clear-cut anymore. Suddenly there's angst and grayness.

Everything about A Little Friendly Advice felt incredibly real. It had passages that hurt a little to read (out of either a sharp loveliness or out of pain) because it was as if it was myself I was reading about. Not necessarily because I've been in the same situations as Ruby (although a couple of them rang specifically true), but because I have felt the same things. Little snapshots of excruciating truth in some of the details were beautiful. And when a book does that for me--makes me gasp because of its rawness, its rightness . . . there's nothing better to ask for in a reading experience.

The Art of Drowning

I wonder how it all got started, this business
about seeing your life flash before your eyes
while you drown, as if panic, or the act of submergence,
could startle time into such compression, crushing
decades in the vice of your desperate, final seconds.

After falling off a steamship or being swept away
in a rush of floodwaters, wouldn't you hope
for a more leisurely review, an invisible hand
turning the pages of an album of photographs-
you up on a pony or blowing out candles in a conic hat.

How about a short animated film, a slide presentation?
Your life expressed in an essay, or in one model photograph?
Wouldn't any form be better than this sudden flash?
Your whole existence going off in your face
in an eyebrow-singeing explosion of biography-
nothing like the three large volumes you envisioned.

Survivors would have us believe in a brilliance
here, some bolt of truth forking across the water,
an ultimate Light before all the lights go out,
dawning on you with all its megalithic tonnage.
But if something does flash before your eyes
as you go under, it will probably be a fish,

a quick blur of curved silver darting away,
having nothing to do with your life or your death.
The tide will take you, or the lake will accept it all
as you sink toward the weedy disarray of the bottom,
leaving behind what you have already forgotten,
the surface, now overrun with the high travel of clouds.


~Billy Collins


Poetry Friday roundup at Kelly Polark's

Today, I

1) applied for a passport

2) purchased a high-quality wig

3) packed for a long-term trip

Hmm . . . I'll leave the question of whether or not I'm a convict on the run up to you, the reader, to decide. I mean, I'd tell you, but then I'd have to . . . well, you know.

happy mother's day

i love you, mum!
xo
♥

away

1. Fun Times With Simon..., 2. Ta-ta-ta-ta-tastay tastay!..., 3. Reminds Me of the Moon..., 4. The sky happens to be my favorite background..., 5. Painting The Sky..., 6. I'll Give A Little Bit..., 7. Not sure about this one, 8. Untitled, 9. sarah with pink folds

holding back
myself?
or is it you?
straining
for what?
what I can't have?
and what I can't grasp?

lingering,
living only
for this moment
perfect today,
ruined tomorrow

If I could make a new life
out of this paper here,
I'd paint myself
a face
and something
to hold

rough on my tongue,
too sweet
and too soft,
these unforgiving words
that spill
and splatter

until
I'm forced
to look away


_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2009
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at Picture Book of the Day

Skeleton Creek

by Patrick Carman

Skeleton Creek tells the tale of two teenagers, Ryan and Sarah, who discover that something strange is going on in the woods at the site of an old gold-digging dredge. What they find turns their lives upside down--and results in their parents banning them from ever seeing or speaking to each other again. But they're too immersed in the mystery of Skeleton Creek to let go of it now, and they decide to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of it. The book is told partly through Ryan's journal, and partly through videos that Sarah films and sends him, making this an entirely unique experience of a story. (You are given passwords to see the videos online as you read.)

I adored this book. I honestly didn't think I would--the whole mixed-media, part movie/part book idea seemed kind of gimmicky to me. But it worked incredibly well and was a truly clever, effective way to tell the story. It brought the intensity to an entirely new level and helped make the book even more compelling than it already would've been. The videos also aided in completely freaking me out. Skeleton Creek reminded me of The Blair Witch Project--another fictional story told documentary-style, allowing it to feel extremely real and terrifying. A fantastic and scary ghost story, this made me want to read more books made in this innovative, "video-book" format.

Oh, and I really really really need the sequel. MUST FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

hip, hip, hurray!

I'm so excited--I just found out that readergirlz is one of the recipients of the National Book Foundation's 2009 Innovations in Reading prize! What is this, you ask? From the website: Each year, the National Book Foundation awards a number of prizes of up to $2,500 each to individuals and institutions--or partnerships between the two--that have developed innovative means of creating and sustaining a lifelong love of reading.

I'm so proud of readergirlz, and so glad I can be a part of it. YAY.

More info here.

Readergirlz presents: Laura Resau

This month, readergirlz are discussing Red Glass by Laura Resau.

Read the May issue of readergirlz. There's a playlist for the book, plus book guide questions and party ideas.

Drop by the readergirlz blog to discuss the book with other readers, ALL MONTH LONG!

LIVE CHAT:
Join our hour-long chat with Laura Resau at the readergirlz blog on Wednesday, May 20th at 6 PM PST/9 PM EST.

Roundtable Discussion
Some of the readergirlz divas and postergirlz had a great time talking together about Red Glass. Read the roundtable discussion.

untitled

yesterday
as I slipped out the door
on my way
to work
at the popcorn plant,

I forgot the shiny red
umbrella
that made
all the difference


_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2009
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at allegro