The Truth About Forever

by Sarah Dessen

A year has passed since Macy's father died, but she's hurting just as much as if it were yesterday. On the outside, she makes her life as perfect and organized as possible, the better to hide her inward pain and fear. She has a perfect boyfriend, perfect school life, and a perfect summer job lined up. She tells everyone she's fine, just fine. But the truth is, she's not, and she doesn't feel as if she ever will be.

This was my fourth Sarah Dessen book, and while it certainly wasn't my favorite of hers, I did like it. Dessen has a definite knack for writing very real people and situations that are easy to connect with. I like her use of themes as well as the questions she poses at the beginning of her books and explores throughout. My favorite part of The Truth About Forever was the changes Macy underwent, from being closed-in and afraid to alive and free. I liked the relationships she had with the other characters, too. The book was likable, an quick read, and exactly the type of story I was in the mood for.

the type who sees miracles

sometimes my head is too full of thoughts to even write. this is unusual. usually I can at least write. but lately I cannot post, or email, or journal. no poems or fiction from me. I can read someone else's words, at least. I read these words, and I liked some of them, like

I walked home, still in shock, and went up to my room. As I passed my mirror I stopped, seeing my shirt was untucked, my jeans had a barbeque sauce stain on them, my hair and face were all mussed and wild from crying. I looked different, absolutely: even if I hadn't been able to explain it. [...] Get changed, she said, which was ironic, because all I'd wanted to tell her was that I already had.

I can listen to someone else's words, too. someone else can explain what I want to say, better than I can.


I want you to know that I am happy and that I already let go a long time ago, before you even started to glimpse it.
that is my message-in-a-bottle.
no, I can't tell you who it's for. but messages-in-bottles rarely reach the person they're meant for, do they.

when you find someone who truly "gets" you in a trillion indescribable ways, you should never take that for granted, because most people never find that person at all. so this is me, being grateful. {i miss you. you know who you are}

places. settings. so important, but so not, I found out. music; that's important. and people. and what's in your soul. people always told me, "location location location." to them, now, I would like to say, "worldview worldview worldview."

would you look at that! I wrote! words! thoughts! it's a little miracle, right now, on my laptop screen.

happy father's day!!!

dear daddy,

i love you muchly, and i think you rock!

this is for you:


xo, erin

chasing a white rabbit

I was the modern-day Alice in Wonderland.
Not the 21st century Cinderella, like my mother
wanted me to be.
I drank what wasn't mine until I grew
into a big girl, who had instead of independence
a hole
that she fell into
and got stuck in large places
talking to all the mythical, glamorous creatures
that wander about in dark corners.
The only place of solace was the garden,
with its tall walls and its roses of
blood red and cotton white
Until the woman came and took me to court
and off with my head was all that was left to be heard.


_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2009
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at Carol's Corner

the music and the misery

I have had this song lyric stuck in my head the last couple of days, a question on repeat: "which came first, the music or the misery?"*

I wonder about the first song ever written by a human being.

When did music and song-writing begin? When were notes, tempos, pitches discovered?

What was the first song written about? What prompted it? Was it low and mournful? Was it joyous and wild?


______
*actually, all of the lyrics to this song are brilliant

here's to the crazy ones

Readergirlz presents: SARA ZARR

This month, readergirlz are discussing Sweethearts by Sara Zarr.

Read the June issue of readergirlz. There's a playlist for the book, plus book guide questions and party ideas.

Drop by the readergirlz blog to discuss the book with other readers, ALL MONTH LONG!

LIVE CHAT:
First, to celebrate the release of diva Melissa Walker's latest book, Lovestruck Summer, we'll be partying it up at the blog on Tuesday, June 9th at 6 PM PST/9 PM EST for a special chat.

And don't forget to join our hour-long chat with Sara Zarr at the readergirlz blog on Wednesday, June 17th at 6 PM PST/9 PM EST.

Roundtable Discussion
Some of the readergirlz divas and postergirlz had a great time talking together about Sweethearts. Read our roundtable discussion.

Roundtable: SWEETHEARTS by Sara Zarr

Five of us readergirlz--Little Willow, Lorie Ann Grover, Melissa Walker, Holly Cupala, and myself--chatted for awhile about this month's featured book at readergirlz, Sweethearts by Sara Zarr.

Little Willow: What words come to mind when you think of Jenna, the main character in Sweethearts?

Miss Erin: Lost, buried, caught, hidden, confused, bruised, neglected.

Melissa Walker: Hiding, scared.

Little Willow: I second "hiding" and "confused." Also: Fragile, lonely, searching, nostalgic, torn.

Holly Cupala: Questioning identity, hidden truths, self-punishment, longing for acceptance.

Lorie Ann Grover: Self-doubt, lost, confused, pained, hungry for peace and acceptance from others and herself.

Little Willow: When she slipped back into her binging habits, I wanted so badly to help her.

Lorie Ann: I know, LW! It pained me when she stole and binged. Pained me!

Holly: My heart went out to her. We've all been in places where we've felt misunderstood and helpless and have tried to soothe ourselves in unhealthy ways, whether physical or emotional. Sometimes we have to reach bottom before we can start the journey back up.

Little Willow: By the time she got to high school, Jennifer shed the weight and (some of) the shyness of her elementary school self. She also changed her name to Jenna. What did you think of her transformation?

Miss Erin: Reinventing yourself can be a good thing, but in Jennifer's case I think it was more harmful than helpful. She wasn't doing it for the right reasons, per se--she was doing it to try to run away from her past. Your past isn't something you can run away from and still be perfectly content/at peace/happy. Jenna certainly wasn't.

Melissa: I thought it was another way for her to hide from a past she was unsure about, a time that brought her pain to remember.

Lorie Ann: I have a different perspective. I admired that she redefined herself. I found her journey in Sweethearts to be about meshing the new image authentically with who she really was. And what a surprise: her authentic self was even greater than she hoped. She was liked, loved, and courageous.

Holly: She worked so hard to hide from the people who were hurting her that she also hid from herself. Most heartbreakingly, she hid her own strength. She couldn't even see it because it was wrapped up in all that pain. I admired her most when she was able to have compassion and admiration for her earlier self.

Read the rest of the roundtable at Slayground.