like a metaphor

nothing but sunshine and dreams. (lovely.) but the sun burns, and the dreams do too, only more-so.

i remembered the word i wanted. desperately. that's it. "the girl wants it desperately."

(darling, let my letter work.)

what rules? what voice? why stop? i'm only running with scissors, after all. but you might get hurt, you warn. but i can't let go of these scissors, say i. no, not these ones. (not ever.) they're slipping from your fingers, but i've never had a tighter grasp on mine. although maybe the grasping hurts worse than if i fall.

walk on.

and if the darkness is to keep us apart
and if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
and if your glass heart should crack
and for a second you turn back
oh no, be strong

walk on, walk on
what you got, they can't steal it
no they can't even feel it
walk on, walk on
stay safe tonight


you're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
a place that has to be believed to be seen
you could have flown away
a singing bird in an open cage
who will only fly, only fly for freedom


and i know it aches
and your heart it breaks
and you can only take so much


home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one
home... I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
that's where the heart is


leave it behind
you got to leave it behind
all that you fashion
all that you make
all that you build
all that you break
all that you measure
all that you feel
all this you can leave behind
all that you reason
all that you sense
all that you speak
all you dress-up
all that you scheme

words by them
pictures by me

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

MAYA ANGELOU

capable fingers

the familiarity of my fingers twisting through hair, over, tug, across, tug, repeat. not too clean, not too neat. no orderliness here. it's the unsettled clump in the back and the short strands from the layers that haven't quite grown out poking out in the middles. two dark lines. symmetry. pattern. never looking in the mirror. my hair's getting long again, but not as long as when i spent everyday outside with dark browned skin discovering the magic plants and the hideaways.

now i'm on the other side, it's the other path, my feet are praying for boots even though deep-down, my heart still likes the feel of bare skin on ground textures. the gun in my hand, raising it to aim, the little black pony i rode for a year, the familiarity of the seduction of campfire.

perseverance determination confidence sassy real fighting stand up don't give up stubborn words that flash like broadway lights in front of my eyes, day in, day out. almost as often are the faces, the mirage from the desert thirst, the haunting.

i am true.
i've grit written under my fingernails.

[image credit]

what he said

"only connect."

[image credit]

I wanted to write some sort of huge update "all about my new life in The Land of Perpetual Sunshine" post but instead the words that are in my mind are these:

I love people, I love people, I love people, I love connecting and encouraging and being encouraged and mutual inspiration and being happy with them or scared together or sympathizing and recalling memories and listening to excitement and beginning to share something and support and exchanging ideas and waving and being there and trusting and changing one another and acknowledging and being helped and all the yeses.

Connecting.

I think it's one of the best things we can do.

i see invisible magicians

anatomy is
bones and blood and
sea horses
and the tiny blue letters
i can almost read
when i look at their fat,
protruding veins

i ask God questions
when i look at the sky
even when i can't see
the sun because there are bunny rabbits
that are so silent and they
don't say anything

the patio furniture was old
and greasy, the linen
marred by the excretion of birds

but i sat there anyway
and you couldn't make me budge
even if you had started crying
(i knew all along i wasn't any good)

you're begging to be analyzed
until i start bleeding from
the place on my thumb where i bit
down when i wasn't aware

she asked for truth and i gave it
to her and if you wanted it too
you could search me out:
all i want is to tell the truth

it's the not wanting to hear it
that instructs us
not to go poking our noses
searching for it
or we might get scratched by
that funny-scented hedge
we left back in Herefordshire.

that was before i stopped the consumption
that was before i noticed the resemblance to the fiction
that was the before part of "before and after"



_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2010
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at Great Kid Books

It All Changed In An Instant

Today is the release date of smithmag.net's fourth six word memoir collection, It All Changed In An Instant. A memoir of mine is included in this book--which makes a grand total of three books (along with Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak and I Can't Keep My Own Secrets) containing words of mine published in a single year! I'm altogether thrilled.

Oh, and I Can't Keep My Own Secrets was just shortlisted for a Cybils award for nonfiction! This is so happymaking. (For the rest of the shortlists, go here.)

Back to the new book--you can order It All Changed In An Instant from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Powell's. :-)

January Readergirlz: E. LOCKHART (and other New Year's news)

This month, readergirlz is honored to feature renowned young adult author E. Lockhart! We're discussing her book The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks.

Read the January issue of readergirlz. There's a playlist for the book, plus book guide questions and party ideas.

Drop by the readergirlz blog to discuss the book with other readers, ALL MONTH LONG!

And don't forget to join us for the LIVE! chat with E. Lockhart on Wednesday, January 20th at 6 pm PST/9 pm EST.


Other news at readergirlz this month:

Last bit of author-in-residence excitement with Beth Kephart...
Beth Kephart is the amazing author of several books (including the delicious mystery NOTHING BUT GHOSTS), and she's been our author-in-residence since December. We have one last chat with her on January 6 at 6 p.m. PST/9 p.m. EST. Don't miss it!(TOMORROW!)

See more about the Writer-in-Residence program at http://www.readergirlz.com/residence.html.

We introduce our next author in residence, Elizabeth Scott...
Elizabeth Scott wrote LIVING DEAD GIRL; SOMETHING, MAYBE; and STEALING HEAVEN. We are going to have a great time exploring her work and her writing process.

I head up the readergirlz Street Team, and this year we welcome some new members. The 2010 Team:
These fabulous folks can help guide you through the wonderful world of YA books: Miss Erin, Priya, Silence, Vanessa, Sarah, Enna Isilee.

i don't think it should be dictated

i don't think the way i feel should be dictated
by what you say you feel, by the words and
song coming from the expression on your face
and whether or not you are skipping or walking or lying down.

i don't think what I do should be dictated
by what he did, even though i admire him, or by what
she did, even though she's obviously brilliant.

i don't think the way i write should be dictated
by what you write, the long words and complicated
thoughts exposed on your smooth skin, tenderness
always open for poking and scratches by the branches
that hit you as we walk down the sidewalk together.

i don't think my dreams should be dictated
by what everybody else says a dream ought to be,
the growing up of a child to adulthood and the
responsibilities the depending the independence
the manhood of the money you carry in your wallet.

i don't think the way i deal with my problems should be dictated
by the way you deal with them, because i am not
you, and those things do not come easily
for me, and silence means something different to me
than it does to you, and so does touching.



_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2009
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at A Year of Reading