old hopes

there are dog droppings
and dead birds
and this conversation suddenly
becomes about racism.

I thought it was pretty at the time.

darling, you take the rock
out of rock & roll.

buy me some seven-up and
we'll road trip to a lake,
telling raunchy jokes and
falling sick with too much laughing.

Now, you do nothing for me.

your anger lends to hurt,
same as my tears. stuff we don't
care to show but never fails to
spill out.

Looking poised is not the same as being.

hard songs of nails and blood,
drench my fingers in livid notes,
I can close my eyes and sing along.
you want me with your mouth


_____
copyright Miss Erin McIntosh, 2010
please do not reprint without permission
Poetry Friday roundup at Great Kids Books

it's you and me and all of the people

As great as it feels to be an individual, to know without a doubt that there is no one exactly like you in the whole universe, unity can feel pretty marvelous, too.

We're all standing, really alive, singing these words, it's you and me, and the lights light up our hearts, all beating in sync, you can see it on our faces tonight, we're invulnerable.

here's what you must do: drive your favorite car into the wild. (the orange one; not that old beetle.) park it somewhere inconvenient. don't think about it, only obey. you'll hesitate as you step out, holding the door open a little while longer, but it's okay. you'll do fine. if you look up. away from gasoline, metal, grease, shine, dollar bills. see white bark, green-grey leaves, sea of plants. see life outside the metropolis of your mind, and see what it might be. if you take a step. letting go, leaving behind, a mental goodbye, because all you need is this.

you arrive, but too late, and now you're stepping back in, the leather seat sighs a false welcome, you're trapped now, heading backwards.

I don't mean to close the door, but for the record my heart is sore.

I'm lying on my back. In not-quite-pure darkness.

My ears are filled with miniature lakes from the double waterfalls, one on each cheek, these steady rushes down either side.

Now I want to ask, because this is what you are always saying. How is this for honesty?

it is not said i always know

(these words are lyrics by amanda seyfried)

i love this place
but it's haunted without you
my tired heart
is beating so slowour hearts sing less
than we wanted
we wanted
our hearts sing 'cause
we do not know
we do not knowto light the night
to help us grow
to help us grow
it is not said
i always know
you can catch me
don't you run
don't you run
if you live another day
in this happy little house
the fire's here to stay
to light the night
to help us grow
to help us grow
it is not said
i always knowplease don't make a fuss
it won't go away
the wonder of it all
the wonder that I made
i am here to stay
i am here to stay

stay

____________________________


music and tumblr help my heart to keep beating.

image credits: makeshift phones, mischelle evan broy, sam-king, hello hand, alison scarpulla

Top 100 Children's Books

I've only read 71%, but almost all the others are ones I plan to read in the future....


100. The Egypt Game - Snyder (1967)
99. The Indian in the Cupboard - Banks (1980)
98. Children of Green Knowe - Boston (1954)
97. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane - DiCamillo (2006)
96. The Witches - Dahl (1983)
95. Pippi Longstocking - Lindgren (1950)
94. Swallows and Amazons - Ransome (1930)
93. Caddie Woodlawn - Brink (1935)
92. Ella Enchanted - Levine (1997)
91. Sideways Stories from Wayside School - Sachar (1978)

90. Sarah, Plain and Tall - MacLachlan (1985)
89. Ramona and Her Father - Cleary (1977)
88. The High King - Alexander (1968)
87. The View from Saturday - Konigsburg (1996)
86. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Rowling (1999)
85. On the Banks of Plum Creek - Wilder (1937)
84. The Little White Horse - Goudge (1946)
83. The Thief - Turner (1997)
82. The Book of Three - Alexander (1964)
81. Where the Mountain Meets the Moon - Lin (2009)

80. The Graveyard Book - Gaiman (2008)
79. All-of-a-Kind-Family - Taylor (1951)
78. Johnny Tremain - Forbes (1943)
77. The City of Ember - DuPrau (2003)
76. Out of the Dust - Hesse (1997)
75. Love That Dog - Creech (2001)
74. The Borrowers - Norton (1953)
73. My Side of the Mountain - George (1959)
72. My Father's Dragon - Gannett (1948)
71. The Bad Beginning - Snicket (1999)

70. Betsy-Tacy - Lovelae (1940)
69. The Mysterious Benedict Society - Stewart ( 2007)
68. Walk Two Moons - Creech (1994)
67. Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher - Coville (1991)
66. Henry Huggins - Cleary (1950)
65. Ballet Shoes - Stratfeild (1936)
64. A Long Way from Chicago - Peck (1998)
63. Gone-Away Lake - Enright (1957)
62. The Secret of the Old Clock - Keene (1959)
61. Stargirl - Spinelli (2000)

60. The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle - Avi (1990)
59. Inkheart - Funke (2003)
58. The Wolves of Willoughby Chase - Aiken (1962)
57. Ramona Quimby, Age 8 - Cleary (1981)
56. Number the Stars - Lowry (1989)
55. The Great Gilly Hopkins - Paterson (1978)
54. The BFG - Dahl (1982)
53. Wind in the Willows - Grahame (1908)
52. The Invention of Hugo Cabret (2007)
51. The Saturdays - Enright (1941)

50. Island of the Blue Dolphins - O'Dell (1960)
49. Frindle - Clements (1996)
48. The Penderwicks - Birdsall (2005)
47. Bud, Not Buddy - Curtis (1999)
46. Where the Red Fern Grows - Rawls (1961)
45. The Golden Compass - Pullman (1995)
44. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing - Blume (1972)
43. Ramona the Pest - Cleary (1968)
42. Little House on the Prairie - Wilder (1935)
41. The Witch of Blackbird Pond - Speare (1958)

40. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - Baum (1900)
39. When You Reach Me - Stead (2009)
38. HP and the Order of the Phoenix - Rowling (2003)
37. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry - Taylor (1976)
36. Are You there, God? It's Me, Margaret - Blume (1970)
35. HP and the Goblet of Fire - Rowling (2000)
34. The Watson's Go to Birmingham - Curtis (1995)
33. James and the Giant Peach - Dahl (1961)
32. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH - O'Brian (1971)
31. Half Magic - Eager (1954)

30. Winnie-the-Pooh - Milne (1926)
29. The Dark Is Rising - Cooper (1973)
28. A Little Princess - Burnett (1905)
27. Alice I and II - Carroll (1865/72)
26. Hatchet - Paulsen (1989)
25. Little Women - Alcott (1868/9)
24. HP and the Deathly Hallows - Rowling (2007)
23. Little House in the Big Woods - Wilder (1932)
22. The Tale of Despereaux - DiCamillo (2003)
21. The Lightening Thief - Riordan (2005)

20. Tuck Everlasting - Babbitt (1975)
19. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Dahl (1964)
18. Matilda - Dahl (1988)
17. Maniac Magee - Spinelli (1990)
16. Harriet the Spy - Fitzhugh (1964)
15. Because of Winn-Dixie - DiCamillo (2000)
14. HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Rowling (1999)
13. Bridge to Terabithia - Paterson (1977)
12. The Hobbit - Tolkien (1938)
11. The Westing Game - Raskin (1978)

10. The Phantom Tollbooth - Juster (1961)
9. Anne of Green Gables - Montgomery (1908)
8. The Secret Garden - Burnett (1911)
7. The Giver -Lowry (1993)
6. Holes - Sachar (1998)
5. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler - Koningsburg (1967)
4. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - Lewis (1950)
3. Harry Potter #1 - Rowling (1997)
2. A Wrinkle in Time - L'Engle (1962)
1. Charlotte's Web - White (1952)

today i saw the ocean for the first time in almost a year, and there is magic in that. "on a clear day she could see forever," i whispered. my mother told me i looked like a movie star, and i smiled so real. i was in a bookstore and i saw a shelf of "franny and zooey" paperbacks and i wanted to buy all of their copies and send them to people i love, only i hadn't any money, so i couldn't. when we came home (how freely i use that word, interchangeably, like who i'm becoming) we were greeted by smashed little pug faces; they have the softest ears you know.

april readergirlz: Deb Caletti + Operation TBD + more!

This month, readergirlz is honored to feature author Deb Caletti, whose latest book The Secret Life of Prince Charming we've been discussing.

Read the April issue of readergirlz. There's a playlist for the book, plus book guide questions and party ideas.
Drop by the readergirlz blog to discuss the book with other readers, ALL MONTH LONG!

There will be a LIVE! chat with Deb on Wednesday, April 21st, at 6PM Pacific/9PM Eastern.

Also on the agenda for the month:

Are you ready to Rock the Drop?

Operation Teen Book Drop is April 15. We can’t wait! Here’s what’s happening:

• We’re delivering 10,000 new books to teens on Native reservations and tribal lands.


• More than 100 awesome YA authors are dropping off their books around the country. Will you be one of the lucky finders?


• You can play along, too. Drop a book in a public spot and you’re done. (You can dress it up with a bookplate if you’d like: http://www.readergirlz.com/tbd.html)


• You can also go to Powells.com after April 7 and donate books yourself. There are two wish lists of hundreds of books that will fill the shelves of two tribal school libraries in need.


• We’re having a huge virtual party at our blog. It’s at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.
  
  

Our partners in all this excitement are GuysLitWire, Young Adult Library Services Association, and If I Can Read, I Can Do Anything, along with a long list of generous publishers you can check out on our video.

Mark your calendar

On April 12, we’re hosting a release party for Diane Duane’s A WIZARD OF MARS. It’s at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.

And on May 3, we’re celebrating the launch of THE UNWRITTEN RULE by our author-in-residence, Elizabeth Scott. She’s holding fun contests and giving away stuff at her blog, so check it out here: http://blog.elizabethwrites.com/

what does perfection mean to you?

her skin is so defined. nails shiny, red. she only dresses in white. always spotless.

it's like, she's not wendy darling, but she could be if she wanted. do you know what i mean?

somegirl who holds all the magic, yet not the gritty kind. baby stuff.

she's an allusion to me, a movie star statue on the sidewalk next to downtown's pigeon-home cinema. i'll bet if she bled we wouldn't see it. the blackcrimsonred melody going unnoticed.

i stare and stare. my eyes demand the inspiration i lack. wanting to soak in pureness by osmosis.

i feel nothing of what i felt the first time. all my feeling now comes through listening.

i hate the color pink
i hate the way you used it against me, the way you wrapped me in its shroud and i felt like a corpse, bones and fading flesh the color of pale pink pearls or the gums above a baby's teeth when it lets out its first fairy-birthing laugh

i hate medicine and i wish you wouldn't make me drink it, it makes me shrink down down down to the size of entering wonderland except there's no door to find my way in and even if there was, there's no key in sight

i hate the day you took me to sea world and the dolphins were smug with smiling and they would've been beautiful if you hadn't been there and i hate that you ruined dolphins for me

i hate that i let you ruin dolphins for me.

i hate that i can't feel silk or smell roses or taste sugar or hear her voice or see the color pink without gagging at the thought of you.